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The Heartbreak Dog
The Heartbreak Dog is an episode of Family Guy. Synopsis Brian and Bonnie fall in love. Meanwhile, Meg steals from a retirement home. Plot The neighbors celebrate Bonnie's 46th birthday, during which Joe shows videos of when he was healthy compared to the present. After using the bathroom, Brian hears Bonnie crying and tries to comfort her, which results in them sharing a kiss. Shocked, they separate, leaving Brian worried about going to far. Later that night, he tells Peter and extracts a promise of his silence. When Joe and Bonnie show up for a game night, Bonnie steps out to get some more wine and Brian assures her that he didn't tell anyone, but when they return, Peter spills the beans playing charades. Brian tries to apologize and Joe seems to brush it off, although he has the Prius towed and pranks him by knocking him out at a bar and filming him in boots. Brian calls an intervention to talk things over with Joe and try to get him to call off his revenge, although everyone does more damage to both Brian and Bonnie by describing their shortfalls. Brian blows up and steps in to defend her and they decide to take off together. Heading out, they are proud of themselves until they run out of gas. As Joe mopes about Bonnie leaving, the pair are stuck working in a diner to make enough money to continue. They start to fight until Bonnie slaps reality into Brian. Joe finds the diner thanks to a computer chip in Brian's ear and makes things up with Bonnie. Brian smugly refers to himself as cupid for Bringing Joe and Bonnie Back together, but Joe he shoots Brian in his kneecap as punishment for his actions. Meanwhile, at school, Principal Shepherd announces community service projects for the students. Meg ends up working in a nursing home where she finds the the residents are not exactly pleasant to work with. While taking care of a pain-in-the-neck patient, she steals a broach and is happy to have gotten away with it, but when Chris stops by, he decides he wants in on Meg's theft and they team up to steal from an easy mark whom they convince has died. They live surrounded by their stolen goods, until their conscious starts to get the better of them and they decide to do the right thing and return the stuff. But as they try to bring it back, they are caught and forced to spend more time attending to the residents in order to keep them from calling the police. Characters Major Roles *Peter Griffin *Chris Griffin *Meg Griffin *Brian Griffin *Bonnie Swanson *Joe Swanson *Mrs. Parkers Minor Roles *Lois Griffin *Stewie Griffin *Glenn Quagmire *Kimi Quagmire *Cleveland Brown *Donna Tubbs-Brown *Roberta Tubbs *Kevin Swanson *Susie Swanson *Principal Shepherd *Connie D'amico *Gina Resedes *Mrs. Abbott *Jerry *Spock *Christine Chapel *Uhura *Cleveland Brown Jr. (Non-Speaking Cameo) *Rallo Tubbs (Non-Speaking Cameo) *Rock Hudson (Non-Barking Cameo) *Mort Goldman (Non-Speaking Cameo) *Neil Goldman (Non-Speaking Cameo) Quotes :Joe: Hey, welcome to Bonnie's 29th birthday party. laughs I can't keep this up. She's 46. ---- :Stewie: Ugh, I'll have to text Rupert about what a train wreck this is. :presses a button on a toy phone and it makes a duck quacking noise :Stewie: to Lois Hey! I want real things! ---- :Brian: Bonnie? :Bonnie: I told you, Joe, when we're alone, you can call me "Bonald". ---- :Bonnie: I'd better go downstairs before Joe realizes I'm gone and before Peter gets into the stuff that's not for the party. :Peter: offscreen Aw! Halloween Candy! :Joe: offscreen Peter, get out of the pantry! ---- :Mrs. Abbott: Kids, this morning, Principal Shepherd wanted to say a few words. :Principal Shepherd: Thank you, Mrs. Abbott. Now, before we start, are these the normal kids or kind of the durr durr ones? :Mrs. Abbott: It's a healthy mix of both. ---- :Principal Shepherd: Good morning, children. It's that time of the year again to fulfill your community service requirement by signing up for volunteer work. :Meg: Do we get to choose our own jobs? :Principal Shepherd: No, no, no. :Meg: Why not? I wanna work as a busgirl. :Principal Shepherd: Sorry, Meg. That's not gunna happen. The jobs will be assigned randomly. :Meg: Randomly, how? :Principal Shepherd: annoyed Randomly as in I'm choosing them randomly right now. to choose randomly, when he's really choosing the hot girls to do the hot jobs Hmmm, oh, Connie D'amico, you're gunna wash my car this afternoon. Gina Resedes, you can clean my living room, later today. Ooh, and you can work in another room of my apartment. :Male Student: Me? :Principal Shepherd: No, not you! :Ugly Female Student: Me? :Principal Shepherd: No! Behind you! :Hot Female Student: Me! :Principal Shepherd: Yes, yes, you. Yeah, I've got a French maid outfit for you. :Hot Female Student: Yaaaaay! :Meg: Principal Shepherd, are you sure you're choosing randomly? I can't help but feel there's some kind of bias going on. :Principal Shepherd: annoyed Well, if that's what you think, then little miss frumpkin with all the questions will work in an old folk's home. :Meg: Is frumpkin good? :Principal Shepherd: laughing No-ho-ho-ho-ho, no. ---- :Meg: Mrs. Parkers, I'm Meg, your new student volunteer. :Mrs. Parkers: Ah, you must be my new student volunteer. :Meg: Yeah, I just said that. :Mrs. Parkers: What's your name dear? :Meg: It's Meg. :Mrs. Parkers: Ah, you must be my new student volunteer. What's your name, dear? :Meg: Can I-can I get a new person? :Mrs. Parkers: Nonsense, come in and between you and me, I hate my new student volunteer. That ugly little Meg. She says she's a girl, but she certainly has a boy's body odor. ---- :Mrs. Parkers: Meg Shut up! I'm trying to hum atonally! ---- :Brian: Guys, thanks again for doing this. Joe has been making my life Hell. :Lois: Of course. Alright, when Joe get's here, we're telling him he needs to lighten up on Brian and then we'll all talk this thing out, so we can move past it. :Peter: And then I get to show my card trick? :Lois: If there's time. :Peter: Let's make this quick. ---- :Peter: Joe, I want you to know, I will not support that relationship. If Brian and Bonnie get married, I will not go. Although, Brian might want me to be his best man. Then I'd have to go, and I'd have to dance. It would be weird to be best man and not dance and I'd have to give a toast, and say that Bonnie's the best thing that ever happened to him. You know, she is the best thing that ever happened to him, but don't worry, Joe. I'll only refer to you as Bonnie's ex. You know, like, "Bonnie has an ex, but Brian marks the spot." :Lois: Oh, Peter, that's good. :Peter: Thanks, babe. I hope Brian and Bonnie are as happy as us. glass To Brian and Bonnie! ---- :and Brian get into an argument :Bonnie: Screw you! You tweet things that aren't worth tweeting! :Brian: Well, I'm sorry, but Kim Kardashian did get famous for making a sex tape! :Bonnie: We all know that! That's not yours and stop breathing through your mouth. It's really annoying! ---- :Brian: Wow, I am sorry. Look, thi-this isn't us. This is just the no food and sleeping in a car talking. We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's list. :to a very unattractive man meeting an equally unattractive woman in her apartment :Both: deadpan You're not what you looked like in your picture, let's get this over with. :Man: I wonder which one of us is the murderer. ---- :Joe: Hey, Bonnie, what's a five letter word for "marriage". :Bonnie: Fraud? :Joe: No, it's gotta start with a "U" ... Oh, "Union!" Boy, you stink at this. ---- :Bonnie: Joe? How did you find me? :Joe: Love is a powerful compass. Every time I quiet my mind and clear my heart, it always leads me to you, plus dirtbag here has a chip in his hear. :Brian: I do? Dammit, no wonder Peter's so good at hide and seek. :to Peter, lazily sitting drinking beer in a lounge chair and looking at his phone :Peter: You're under the canoe in Quagmire's yard. :Brian: Offscreen Son of a bitch! :and Bonnie forgive each other and they make out :Brian: Wow. I guess just call me Cupid, huh? You're welcome. :shoots Brian in the leg :Brian: Ow, dammit! Uuuggh! Ugh! Ugh! :Stewie: Hey, Bri. Here to try that apple pie, you were texting about. Oh, you're shot. ---- :Meg: So, Chris and I learned that just because people are old that doesn't mean you should steal from them. :Chris: Yeah, when I'm old, I wouldn't like it so much, if two kids came in and did it to me. :Meg: Oh, I don't know. Are they hot? Maybe then, I'd like it. :Chris: Ha ha ha. Same old, Meg. ---- :Brian: Well, I learned that maybe it's okay to run away but try not to get carried away. :Stewie: Bonnie didn't let you stir the paint, did she? :Brian: No but I am done messing around with my neighbors' wives. :Lois: Here's an invitation to Donna's birthday party. :Brian: Hey, let me see that. :Lois: Ha ha ha, you rascal. Trivia *Bonnie turns 46 in this episode. *Roberta hits on Kevin. *It's revealed that Bonnie's real name is "Bonald". Cultural References Deleted Scenes Category:Episodes Category:Season 14 Category:Brian Episodes Category:Bonnie Episodes Category:Joe Episodes Category:Meg Episodes Category:Birthday Episodes